


Finding A Path

by MarlenaWatches



Category: Mass Effect Andromeda, Sara Ryder - Fandom
Genre: Avela is awesome, Emotional Instability, Evfra is scary, Grief/Mourning, Jaal is just awkward, Liam is a sweetheart, Other, but we love him anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-11 22:40:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 10,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10476102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarlenaWatches/pseuds/MarlenaWatches
Summary: Mass Effect Andromeda is great so far, but neither Sara nor Scott believably process Alec's death, and their emotional responses in general leave a lot to be desired.This is a story about how I think Sara may have actually processed her journey as pathfinder.Obvious Canon Divergence.  Future chapters pending.I don't know yet if there will be romance.  Will cross that bridge when I come to it.Comments welcome!





	1. A Beginning

_My dad is dead._

Sara's mind was reeling. _My dad is dead, and my brother might be next_

Keeping her features as neutral as humanly possible, she hurried to Ops alongside Cora, to witness Hyperion's approach toward the Nexus.

She was keeping it together fairly well, until Liam said something stupid. She found herself snapping at him, rage uncoiling with an intensity that would have frightened her, if she hadn't been so busy feeling utterly devastated.

Liam stepped back, looking very much like a kicked puppy, and everyone else was staring, so Sara reigned herself in, turned away, and steeled herself for contact with the Nexus as humanity's Path Finder.

The Nexus reception center was dark; storage crates littered the vaulted, otherwise empty space. Off to Sara's right, an Avina VI flickered, like some frozen specter; the blue of her projected code casting haunted shadows into the empty angles of the room.

A brief 'conversation' with the VI confirmed what Sara had already surmised; Hyperion was not the only component of the Initiative experiencing difficulties.

_Fuck._

Her heart leapt when they finally found someone working on an electrical panel, tucked behind a stack of crates; then it promptly wrenched sideways inside her chest when Liam wondered aloud about celebratory champagne.

Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, Sara dropped back till she was at Liam's side, and murmured too quietly for Cora to hear; "Liam, I've just lost my father, and my brother is in a fucking coma. I get that you're happy we made it here, and would like to celebrate, but kindly keep it to yourself until we've parted ways for our respective down-time." She pinned him briefly with a hard stare, then moved back up beside Cora, just as they all approached the oblivious maintenance worker.

_We're here, and we have work to do._

She waited until she was safely locked inside the chamber that contained SAM node to break down.

The panic she had folded tightly away burst forth in broken, heaving sobs; breath quick and ragged as she sat with her back to the wall, shoulders hunched over her knees.

Several minutes passed as she gave vent to her grief, and only when her breathing had started to slow did SAM address her directly.

"Is there any assistance I can offer, Sara?"

She shook her head, sniffling wetly; "I appreciate the offer, SAM, but what I need, you don't have."

"Should I call for Dr. T'Perro?" "No!" She objected sharply, then continued more gently,  "....thank you, SAM, but no. I'll be ok. I'm feeling better."

SAM let the lie go unchallenged, and as Sara stood, wiping her blotchy face with both sleeves, he started to describe the nature of his connection to Alec; A connection Sara now possessed.

"Sunovabitch."


	2. Freaking Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once she's boarded the Tempest, Sara takes a moment in her quarters to freak the fuck out.

_I have an AI in my head._

_I have...an artificial intelligence.....IN MY FUCKING HEAD._

_ALL THE TIME._

_DAD._

_WHAT THE FUCK._

_What did you DO?_

_It wasn't enough to fuck around with it in dev? It wasn't enough to ruin me and my brother's chances at any kind of legitimate career with this shit; you INSTALLED it into YOURSELF??? And then DOWNLOADED it into ME??? Fucking....SHIT._

"Sara. I am aware of your emotional state and your general line of thought. Do you have any questions?"

"Fuck off, SAM."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Pathfinder."

"Shut OFF, SAM. I need time."

"As you wish, Pathfinder."

Sara grasped her bottle of shard wine more tightly as she felt (FUCKING FELT) SAM go dark.

_FUCK._

She took a generous swig, and looked out the wrap-around window in her quarters. Fantastic view. Too bad the scourge ate up more than half of it.

_Get a grip. The team needs you. The Nexus needs you. This is just one more hurdle to jump. One more test to get past. Another fear to extinguish. Drown it out. Bury it. They're all counting on you. Depending on you. Find the way forward._

_One step at a time._

_I WILL find my way._


	3. First Landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Landing on Eos. Meeting some people.

Eos was a hellhole.

Walking down the ramp into what was left of Nexus' first settlement attempt was like stepping into an oven set to slow bake.

The air tasted hot, flavored liberally with chalky dust kicked up by Sara's own uncertain footsteps.

_Here we go._

Convincing Clancy to play ball took some doing, but he came around after she and her team took out the Kett troops that dropped in to investigate the power relay's reactivation.

SAM helped locate and unlock the Nomad, which meant they could travel beyond the settlement's radiation fences without frying their shields. Or skins.

Vetra and Cora bonded a bit over a conversation about Vetra's sister, Sid, while on approach to the alien structure that so closely resembled the one that had taken Sara's father.

She kept quiet, wondering how her own sibling was doing. Would he pull through?  Or would he leave her alone to deal with....all of this.

"I am here for you, Sara," SAM spoke quietly to her over their private channel.

"I know you are, SAM, but family is family, and you are...honestly, I'm still trying to sort out just what the fuck you are."

"I understand, Pathfinder."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

SAM didn't answer.

"There! That's the structure!" Cora leaned forward, eyes eager as the alien architecture loomed ahead, dark and massive against the red horizon.

"Let's get to it, shall we?" Vetra pulled her pistol and shot Sara a distinctly Turian grin as the Nomad pulled up short at yet another radiation fence.

"Lets."

_There is a strange Asari straddling my lap._

Sara blinked up at her attacker, prepping a biotic throw, but held off when all that happened was talking.  Still sitting.  On her lap.

"Ok, get the fuck off me."  She shoved the Asari away, scrambling to her feet, scowling.

"Don't like being sat on?  I get it.  Introductions then!"

_She's insane.  Potentially useful, but completely batshit._

_God....dammit._

 


	4. Soiling One's Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh look. It's Drack.

_Everyone on this world..._

_Is Stark._

_Raving_.

_FuckNuts._

Sara could only watch as the biggest, most battle-hardened Krogan she had ever seen leaped through the window he'd shattered with the corpse of the wraith now lying mangled at her feet.

The floor of the Kett outpost trembled as he landed, and her skin went ice cold.

In her peripheral vision, Vetra seemed to perk up, head bobbing in a way that reminded Sara vaguely of an inquisitive parakeet.

She fought panic as the Krogan strode forward, treading casually upon the wraith corpse as he went.

Suddenly he was right there, in her face, and she could see every scale, every scar and line of age on that broad, angular face as his venom-green eyes bored into her.

"Who are You?"

His voice was sharpened gravel, superheated.

It cut and seared into the core of who she thought she was.

Her deepest self answered, without bothering her mind about the details.

"I am Sara Ryder, Pathfinder of the Initiative, and I'm asking you, once, to _back the fuck up_ , Krogan."

Though her voice wavered, her shotgun did not as it prodded an abdominal soft spot.

He blinked at her, then chuffed as he stepped back, and dimly she registered that he was chuckling at her.

Vetra stepped forward to initiate pleasantries, as Sara stepped back and calmly fought to control her bladder.

_FuckNuts Crazy._

_All of us._


	5. Not Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Vault on Eos  
> Also, this story has gotten way more hits and kudos than I thought it would. Any feedback, requests, criticisms, and/or commentary is more than welcome! Let me know what ya'll want me to focus on!

The vault was stunning.

Terrifying.

Strange.

Sara couldn't believe she was turning it on.

"Is this going to work, SAM? Are we doing the right thing here?"

"I do not know, Pathfinder. Alec rarely concerned himself with the moral intricacies of his decisions. Your own persistent personal conflict is a new experience for me."

"Why am I not surprised."

Stepping outside after their flight from the Cloud of Death did much to calm her inner turmoil.

The sky was clear, and already the temperature had dropped significantly.

SAM fed her positive statistical data about atmospheric projections as she wandered out onto the sand and knelt to grasp a handful.

_We can actually do this._

_We have a solid foundation for Eos._

_I didn't fuck this up._

_Or die!_

She grinned fiercely as she looked up at Vetra, hope flaring through her like electricity.

"Congratulations, Pathfinder. You've just found us our beginning."

Sara laughed, stood abruptly and threw her arms around the startled Turian.

Cora smiled indulgently as the younger woman hugged her as well.

"We can fucking DO this, people!!"

She took off toward the Nomad, leaving her perplexed squadmates to follow, exchanging glances laden with amused concern.

 

Sara knew that Bradley would make an excellent Mayor.

As far as she could judge, anyway.

Which, admittedly, wasn't far.

Her experience was limited to establishing and protecting archaeological dig-sites, not founding and maintaining permanent settlements.

_Glad that's beyond my job description._

Back on the Tempest, she gathered her team for the debrief, and made sure everyone had a celebratory beverage.

PeeBee lit up like a Christmas tree, and toasted her with a wink.

Drack expressed appreciation for the gesture, while grumbling about their lack of anything that could actually get him drunk.

Sara was just happy shit was finally coming together.  

She ordered her crew to Lexi for physicals, told Cora not to sweat the bunk assignments, and set a course for the Nexus.

_Now comes the hard part._

_Fucking bureaucracy._


	6. Meddlesome Crewmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building some bridges, with a bit of help from the Tempest's beloved gossip-mongers.
> 
> This chapter is unrepentent fluff.

"Ryder, Liam wanted a word with you, when you had a moment."

Sara glanced down at Suvi, who stared resolutely forward, her face serene.

Frowning, she nodded and turned away from the Pathfinder's console.

"Did Liam actually ask to talk, or are you meddling, Suvi?" Kallo asked softly once Sara was out of earshot.

"They need to work out whatever is wrong between them. They've barely spoken since coming aboard."

"True."

Kallo paused, then asked with a sly lilt;  
"We could watch the security feed.  So we can alert Vetra or Lexi if things...get confrontational."

Suvi rolled her eyes, hesitated, then swore softly to herself as she brought the cargo bay vid feed up on her console.

Kallo smirked and did the same.

"Liam?"

Sara hovered in the doorway, hands fidgeting behind her back.

_Why am I the one who's nervous??_

Liam was shoving a battered couch into the corner of his....room, but froze at her voice.

He glanced up, eyebrows raised in awkward surprise, and straightened, nodding to her.

She cleared her throat;

"I was...um.  There were..." she huffed, frowning at herself.  "Did you want to talk?"

"Sure. Didn't think you'd want to, though. What with the feet in my mouth."

He leaned against the couch, arms crossed as he eyed her warily.

She blinked. "Huh?"

He grimaced, and dropped his arms as he explained;

"I can be blunt. Come off as insensitive, or oblivious. Hasn't been good for making friends."  
He looked away, continuing under his breath, "Or keeping them."

She remained silent.

He took a breath and ploughed forward;

"I wanted to say sorry; that I didn't mean to ignore your loss. Dismiss it. Just...didn't know how to put it together without fucking up worse."

Sara inhaled through her nose and let it out slowly, nodding.

"I appreciate the apology, Kosta. And I'm sorry I've been...well...."

"Understandably pissed."

Her mouth ticked upward, and she stepped forward, hand outstretched;

"Do Over?"

The smile that lit up his face made her grin in turn.

Infectious.

He took her hand and shook it firmly, then turned away and dug a cooler out of the back.

"Wanna beer?"

Up on the flight deck, Suvi and Kallo shared conspirational smiles.


	7. Nexus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one.
> 
> Addison gets a bit of an earful, and then Sara tries to talk to her brother.

"-So, what, your plan is to just sit here doing FUCKALL till the Nexus falls out of orbit into that goddamn gas giant??"

Addison's mouth dropped open, adding 'fish maw' to the list of unpleasant characteristics of her face.

"From where I stand, you're too busy playing politics with Tann to do ANYTHING that would actually be CONSTRUCTIVE, so I'll make this easy for you! Stay the FUCK out of my way, and you just MIGHT end up with more colonies to manage, _colonial director_."

Sara whirled away and stomped briskly down the ramp of Addison's office space, ignoring the many shocked glances that followed her as she passed.

Her glower lightened just a little when she heard Kesh cackling loudly from her own little corner office, and Sara squared her shoulders as she headed toward cryo.

_Time to see how Scott's doing._

"This is a nightmare. I can't...I'm not feeling well."

"Scott?! I'm so sorry, I didn't want to tell you like this but-"

"Sara."

Harold put a hand on her arm and drew her back, gently.

"He needs more time."

Her face crumpled as she turned into the doctor's shoulder, a high keen in her throat.

He stiffened, then wrapped his arms loosely around her while she cried.

"There was no permanent damage, but the stress did wear him out," he spoke gently, trying to reassure her.

"I can't lose him too. I can't do this alone. I can't be all alone."

"From what I hear, you've got a pretty solid team out there. And they care about you."

She looked down at her brother, stepping slowly away from the doctor.

"I'm Path Finder to them. Leader. Scott is my blood. You know the difference."

Harold nodded, acquiescing. "He'll pull through, Sara. It'll just take time."

She nodded, wiping her face with a sleeve, then gave him a lopsided smile; "Thanks for the shoulder, Harry."

"Any time, Sara."


	8. Well.  Shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi Archon!  
> Bye Archon!  
> Oh look; an inhabited planet!

The Onaon System was waiting; the signal of an active vault beckoned them forward.... and all Sara could think about was how long it might be before she could walk through Prodromos with Scott at her side.

_Soon. He'll be ok. The doc said so. Focus. You've got a job to do._

She took a deep breath, shrugged on her jacket, and headed for the flight deck as SAM informed her they were about to arrive.

The Archon loomed on the screen, milk-white eyes looking right through her as he made his threats and declarations.

The moment SAM pinged with a way through the scourge, she shouted at Kallo to punch it.

_Come on come on come on....YES!_

Her heart in her throat, she acknowledged Gil's insistence that they find somewhere to land after they'd scraped through the scourge's winding tendrils, and Kallo pointed them at the planet nearest to them.

A platoon of small, strangely-shaped fighters surrounded them mere seconds after the Tempest hit atmosphere, and her stomach dropped.

A strangely resonant voice came through over the com, barking what sounded like an order, though the words did not translate.

Pretending a calm she could not force herself to feel, Sara answered. "Hello! This is Sara Ryder, Pathfinder for the Initiative; We're peaceful explorers and mean you no harm."

The voice answered, and a nav point popped up on Kallo's console.

"Well. We've got an LZ. Take us down gently, Kallo. We don't want to spook our escort."

Vetra scoffed; "You're worried about whether _they're_ spooked? We don't even know what they _are!_  They have us surrounded and we are on _fire-_ "

"They're not Kett; their ships are all wrong," Sara interrupted, trying to calm her agitated teammates.

She met the eyes of everyone in turn, hoping she projected confidence.

"This is first contact. I got this."

Kallo's eyes darted between the two women, and then back to his controls.

He swallowed.

Sara put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be ok, Kal. Just....fly casual."

Liam turned his chuckle into a cough as Cora glanced at him, one eyebrow raised in question.

Sara smirked, strangely excited in spite of her fear.

"Let's go meet the neighbors, shall we?"


	9. The Angara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara meets the Angara and feels decidedly foolish... but she's not dead yet, so Win!!

The small, strangely shaped vessels accompanied the Tempest down to a landing pad set atop a beautiful city that was built right into the sheer face of a cliff, and Sara wondered idly to herself just how the hell the inhabitants kept everything from eroding out from underneath them.

She shook her head to clear it, and turned to her crew with a lopsided smile.

“Please,” Vetra started softly, crossing her arms, “You’re not really going out there on your own.”

Sara’s smile turned sad as she stepped toward the other woman; “We can’t afford a repeat of what happened last time.” Her voice was resolute as she continued, addressing the rest of the crew as well; “I’m the Pathfinder. First contact is on me.”

Liam chuckled, trying to hide the fear on his face as he responded “Most important thing ever! No pressure.”

Sara grinned as she strode past him, turning to face them all as she stepped backwards toward the door; “If this goes badly – If I get eaten alive or strung up for ritual sacrifice – even if it’s hilarious, please destroy the vids.”

She stepped slowly down the ramp toward the landing pad, arms raised in what she hoped was a universal gesture of unarmed, peaceful intentions, and attempted to swallow the lump in her throat as well-armed and armored troops stormed forward to meet her.

They all wore helmets, so she couldn’t see their faces, but they were uniformly large, and their legs bent in ways that were distinctly alien. They had her surrounded in seconds, and one of them made what sounded like a demand as she eyed the guns in her face.

One of them stepped forward and scanned her, and she giggled nervously as she asked “Need me to take my shoes off? Scanning’s fine, but if we’re headed for a full-body cavity-search I’d prefer a nice dinner first-“

The alien completed their scan and said something to one of the others, and then she was being prodded forward, through the docks and into the urban center itself.

The city really was beautiful; lush little garden plots softened the clean white lines of the walkways and buildings, and Sara realized with a start that there were no roads; only footpath corridors and simple stair cases.

And then she saw her welcoming committee, and her breath was stilled. _This is it. I’m really doing this. I can’t believe I’m really fucking doing this…_

As she came to a stop in front of them, she resisted the urge to kneel. _They’re beautiful. They’re fucking stunning. And also very obviously pissed. Oh hey, the one in front is talking now, pay the fuck attention Sara._

“I am Paaran Shie, governor of Aya. We are the Angara.” Her tone ( _Her?? Is she a she?_ ) was stately, her posture regal, and Sara was immensely grateful that her translator had finally decided to kick in.

Sara attempted to respond, and her voice cracked. She cleared her throat to try again; “Hello! I’m a Pathfinder with the Initiative.” She winced at the squeak of her voice, but Shie seemed not to notice.

“Yes. You crossed dark space. I have heard of your journey.” Shie exchanged looks with several of the others, then blinked, startled as another, even larger Angara strode up to their group.

“Jaal? I have this in hand-“ The governor started to address the newcomer, but he cut her off, raising one gloved hand in placation. Or dissent. Maybe both?

“Efvra saw the ship come in and sent me to find out what’s going on.” His voice was deep, resonant, and brooked no argument as he turned back to face Sara and strode down the stairs toward her.

His skin was a vibrant pink, speckled darker through the crest of his forehead. He was wearing some sort of draped, bright blue jacket, and his ice-flecked eyes bored into her as he stepped forward until he was _right there_ , towering over her, forcing her to crane her neck up to look at him.

Paaran Shie sighed and explained to the other Angara’s back, “She’s a human from another galaxy. A Pathfinder.”

Jaal growled, eyes narrowing as he examined the increasingly frightened human woman, and queried with substantial menace; “Aya is hidden. Protected. What do you want?”

Sara drew in a deep breath, fighting for calm; “For now? A place to plant our ship while my engineer puts out the various fires caused by our run-in with the Kett and the Scourge. Your people were kind enough to grant us that, and on behalf of my crew, I thank you.” She dipped her head first at Jaal, then at Paaran Shie and the others.

She stepped back then, putting her hands on her hips as she continued, “For the future? Peaceful coexistence and an honest exchange of knowledge. My people came to this galaxy as peaceful explorers and settlers, but already we’ve experienced complications, and suffered losses.” She looked down at the ground, arms dropping to her sides as she finished, trying to shove thoughts of her father and brother out of her mind.

She looked up, eyes clear, to find Jaal examining her closely. He stepped into her space once more, his strangely beautiful face inches from her own. Sara felt emotionally flayed under his scrutiny. Finally, he harrumphed; “We shall see,” and turned from her.

Striding back up the stairs on those impossible legs, he stated; “I’ll inform Evfra. He’ll be waiting for you in his office at Resistance headquarters. I’ll meet you there.” Sara couldn’t tell if he was talking to her or the governor.

Speaking of… “I will accompany you through our city. Your crew will stay on the ship. Follow me.” Shie’s tone was wary, and her eyes were cold as Sara nodded and stepped cautiously up the stairs toward her. The armed escort at her back followed, sealing off any avenue of escape.

Once on the landing, Sara found that the governor was only a little taller than she was, but her frame was longer, and her eyes were large, their electric blue fading into black sclera. Sara wondered if they saw the same colors as her own.

“Follow closely. Do not try to explore the city or interact with anyone. Efvra’s guards will use force if necessary.”

Sara’s face fell; “Oh? Well, erm, ok. Your house, your rules.” She brightened, “Is it ok to ask you questions?”

Shie blinked, uneasy; “I suppose…” Then she turned and began their walk.

Sara followed, trying (and failing) not to ogle everything along the way.

“Sooo if you are the governor, why do I need to meet this ‘Efvra’ person?” Sara asked as she watched the motion of Paaran Shie’s legs with fascination.

“He’s leader of the Resistance,” Shie responded without turning around, as if that answered everything.

“What’s that?”  Sara pressed, glancing at a pocket of Angara citizens who were staring at her with expressions that ranged from frank curiosity to open hostility.  She quickened her pace to catch up to her guide.

“They fight the Kett.  And protect us.”  Her tone implied finality, and Sara fell silent for a while.

SAM took the opportunity to speak through their private channel; “I detect unusual levels of electrostatic energy in the Angara.”

Sara blinked, intrigued, and then blanched as she overheard an angry Angara declare that the strange alien belonged in a containment cell.

“….am I really that scary…?” she asked the governor’s back uncertainly.

Shie’s tone was aloof, looking coolly over her shoulder as she responded; “You’re an outsider who has invaded our home.  We know nothing about you.”

Sara winced; “I’m not here to cause trouble, governor.”

“Then keep moving.”

“How did it find us?” Sara heard someone ask.  “ _She_ , not _it!_   And stop staring!”  She smiled, bolstered by the conversation.

“Your city; it’s beautiful,” Sara offered.

“Thank you.  You’re the first outsider to see it.”

“I’m honored," Sara said enthusiastically; "Are all the plants native, or have you naturalized transplants?”

“You must ask our botanists.  If you get the chance.”

Sara sighed and fell silent as they reached the steps that lead to a building she assumed was Resistance HQ.  Nerves rising, she asked hesitantly, “What happens if Efvra doesn’t like me?”

Shie huffed, “He won’t.  But you need to earn his trust.”

Sara swallowed; “I see.  Any advice?”

“Be honest.  Angara do not tolerate deception; Efvra least of all.”  Shie gestured to the door, and Sara nodded her thanks as she strode forward, breathing deep as she squared her shoulders.


	10. Fucking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara meets Efvra. It doesn't go very well.
> 
> Warning; Canon divergence. Also a panic attack.

Sara walked into a wide vestibule, and stopped short as she saw the Angara named Jaal walking side-by-side with an apparently younger male.

“They are bullies,” he said to the youth; “but this situation is now your fault. Don’t get kicked out, Moraan, not because of them.”

“But you’re telling me to be weak!” came the protesting response.

“No,” Jaal replied, putting a hand on Moraan’s shoulder, “I am telling you to be strong, through your cunning and heart.” His eyes darted to Sara, who was watching with interest, then back to the young one, “Ok?”

Moraan nodded, and strode forward. Jaal growled; “Hey.” Moraan stopped short, then turned and reluctantly handed Jaal the weapon he’d been holding.

“It really is the best one in the resistance,” Moraan said wistfully.

Jaal smiled, somewhat smug; “I know.”

Moraan turned away once more, and headed toward the entrance. As he came abreast of Sara, he swiveled to face her, those quintessentially Angaran eyes suddenly filled with silent challenge, his posture aggressive, and Sara blinked at him, unsure of how to respond. The moment passed quickly though, and so did Moraan.

Sara struggled to retrieve the fraying threads of her strained nerves as she turned to face Jaal, running nervous fingers through her hair.

“Our experience with the Kett makes us naturally distrustful of all aliens,” Jaal told her matter-of-factly.

She nodded as she stepped toward him slowly, her voice soft as she responded; “We’ve had our own run-ins with the Kett. There…were casualties.”

Jaal watched her face, assessing; “Then…you really do understand.” His eyes turned hard as he explained; “When the Archon came to Heleus, he demolished our sovereign state – took what he wanted, as if we were nothing. Now, the Kett mercilessly abduct Angara. Often, we never see our people again.”

Sara’s eyes were wide, shock plain on her face.

Jaal drew back, satisfied his words had made their mark; “Come this way. Efvra is waiting.” He turned without waiting for a response and stepped away from her.

“Wait,” Sara cried, jogging to catch up; “The Kett KIDNAP you? Steal your people?? What the hell for??”

“You would have to ask them, though you shouldn’t expect much in the way of answers. The Resistance fights them every day, with everything we can.”

“A war of attrition? What are they after? Jaal, wait, why would-“

“You should save your questions for Efvra,” Jaal interrupted tersely.

Sara fell silent, inwardly deflating as they walked the rest of the way to Resistance Ops.

“Kadara be damned! I will NOT lose Voeld!” An angry male Angaran voice dominated the space as they walked into an airy room lined with digital maps, strategic consoles, and strange equipment Sara didn’t recognize. Her eyes slid to an Angara leaning against the table in the center of the room. He was gazing out the wrap-around window, a scowl evident upon what little she could see of his features. His skin was an aquatic blue, the left side of his face bore deep vertical scars that ran down through his upper lip, and his eyes held anger and distrust in equal measure as he turned to face her.

“Evfra; this is one of the aliens from the Milky Way – a Pathfinder,” Jaal introduced the woman beside him with a casual gesture of his hand, then stood at ease.

“Pathfinder…” Evfra’s voice was the rumble of an agitated tiger as he rolled her title over in his mouth, and Sara found herself fixed to the floor, eyes wide with yet another rising swell of panic as the Resistance leader quite literally _stalked_ toward her.

_He’s going to eat me. He’s going to cut off my head and roast me over a spit. He’s going to-_

“It’s an aggressive move, coming to Aya.” He looked her over, and there was a begrudging respect buried there, deep within the emphatic distrust in his tone.

“Not really,” she found herself saying. “We didn’t know this planet was inhabited. We followed a signal that mirrored the one we found in an ancient Vault we discovered on Eos. We ran into the Kett once we entered this system, escaped through a hole in the Scourge, and then had to land somewhere because we were quite literally on _fire_.” The longer she spoke, the faster the words came, until she silenced herself at the end of her last run-on sentence by deliberately biting into her own tongue.

Evfra blinked at her, his face broadcasting confusion, his head cocked to one side as he studied her.

The motion reminded her of a domesticated cat, and she had to put a hand to her mouth to cover a sudden, involuntary grin.

_He looks like a huge kitten spliced with a squid. A squitten. Oh god why. SAM, please help me._

‘I require additional instruction, Pathfinder.’

At that, Sara dissolved into helpless giggles, and every Angara in the room turned to stare as she covered her reddening face with both hands.

“Erm…are you well, Pathfinder…?” Jaal asked her dubiously, stepping cautiously away as she struggled to regain control.

“Fine, thank you, sorry; I’m – _ahem_ \- I have….well, I get laughing fits when I’m stressed. I’m done now, I apologize.” She straightened, cheeks still flushed, and brought her eyes back to Evfra’s, whose expression was rapidly shifting from thoroughly unamused to blatantly _thunderous_.

“You find this _funny?_ Find _me_ funny?”

He was snarling at her now, and Sara's face went from flushed to bloodless in the blink of an eye; “No, not at all; as I said, it’s stress-induced, and I apolog-“ “Apology rejected!” He was roaring at her now, looming above her, rage apparent in every line of his frame.

Sara reached for a holstered pistol that she did not have, and the panic that she’d been desperately pressing down with increasing ineffectiveness tore through her in a cresting wave. Her vision went white as her biotics flared, knocking Evfra back against the table.

Voiceless and unthinking, Sara turned and _fled_.


	11. Talking in Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara is essentially a squirrel. 
> 
> Avela is an angel, and Evfra is...well. Evfra.

Breath coming in uneven gasps, Sara raced through the entrance of Resistance headquarters and flew blindly back the way she’d come with Paaran Shie…until she took a wrong turn.

Alarmed Angara cried aloud in shock as she passed, but she was heedless of them, her fear-soaked mind insisting she ignore them all and ESCAPE.

Using her biotics to boost the leap, she jumped up onto a low rooftop and continued running, tears streaming from her face into the ashy wind. She spotted a large tree; its massive palm fronds bobbing merrily above the buildings, spreading outward from a sturdy central juncture. She took a running leap and swung herself up onto a solid branch. She crab-walked down the length of it with ease, and then sat in the Y of its trunk, trembling as she wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her head between them.

‘Sara, can you hear me? Sara, please calm down; your adrenal levels have exceeded normal limits-‘

“Nononono; can’t talk right now, not here; Sara can’t come to the phone at the moment, sorry, so sorry, so just leave your name and number and we’ll be sure to get back…to…you…” Sara’s string of nonsense devolved into hiccuping sobs, and her arms tightened around herself as SAM fell silent.

There was only the solid trunk of her tree, only the warm, tangy wind as it stirred the palm fronds, and the blessed darkness provided by the cave of Sara’s own arms wrapped tightly around her head. Everything else was out _there_ , beyond the window she had shut inside her mind, and she drifted in her headspace, blissfully alone.

“Pathfinder?” A gentle, female Angaran voice called to her from the rooftop next to her tree, and Sara flinched, unwilling to acknowledge the presence of another.

“Pathfinder, my name is Avela Kjar. I mean you no harm. May I join you?” Sara peeked up from the encircled safety of her arms, and blinked in the light as she focused on the woman standing several yards away. Her face looked kind. Open. There was concern in her eyes. Sara nodded wordlessly.

The woman stepped back, then leaped gracefully, alighting on the branch Sara had used to reach her little makeshift haven. She settled herself easily on its surface, one leg hanging on either side. “There! Here we are, then.” She looked around, eyes bright as she stated cheerfully, “It’s been a while since I climbed a tree. I forgot how lovely it feels!”

She fell silent then, her figure relaxed as she simply sat beside the terrified human; as if aliens falling from the sky and then climbing garden trees in a panic were ordinary, every-day occurrences.

Sara found herself slowly unwinding, her breath coming easier. She was still shaking, but that was more out of adrenal come-down than actual fear.

“My name is Sara Ryder,” she whispered, and held out a hand to the other woman. Avela smiled, and held her own hand out in turn. Sara took it, squeezed, and then didn't let go.

Avela let her keep hold of it, shifting herself a little closer to accommodate the contact.

There was a crowd gathering below, buzzing like angry bees, but the two women in the tree paid them no mind.

Still holding Sara’s hand, Avela told her she was head of the local museum, and Sara scooted closer, listening gratefully to the list of duties and ambitions the woman spoke of; Sara watched her speak, and found herself smiling at Avela’s animated enthusiasm.

"I did something similar," Sara offered at length; "I provided security for archaeological dig-sites."

"Really?  Tell me about them!"

Sara smiled, encouraged, and explained about Prothean artifacts, and how their discovery had jumped human technology forward, and how that had led to meeting the other Milky Way races.

Avela listened intently, and shifted close enough to put an arm around Sara's shoulders, which she did.

Sara blinked at her, falling silent, and then her face crumpled as she slid her arms underneath Avela's, linking them round the Angara's narrow torso.  She buried her face in Avela's chest, a high keen muffled in the cloth there.

Avela simply wrapped her other arm around the human woman and let her cry.  Her eyes came up to discover Jaal and Evfra standing awkwardly on the rooftop beside the tree.  They both held sniper rifles, but their respective grips were loose as they stared in consternation at the two women sitting in the crook of the giant palm.

Avela glared at them over the top of Sara's head, shifting her body to more effectively block Sara's from view.  

Jaal had the good grace to look ashamed.  

Evfra snorted in disgust, stuck his rifle into the harness on his back, and stormed off, muttering darkly about interfering females and ridiculous alien irritants.


	12. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're messy. The Angara fucking Get that.

“So....” Sara fidgeted, feeling more than a little humiliated.

Avela had left her on the rooftop with Jaal, a final squeeze of her hand still tingling on Sara’s palm.

“So.” Jaal stood stiffly, eyes watching her with something like fascination. Maybe. Sara was too tired to decipher Angara body language just then.

She cleared her throat, shifting from foot to foot as she glanced away, focusing on the view of Aya laid out at her left. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I’m sure I’ve deeply offended Evfra, and governor Shie, and the Angaran people in general. I sincerely apologize.”

Jaal stared at her, cocking his head to one side quizzically, and remained silent.

Sara forged ahead; “If working with me isn’t feasible, I can arrange for another Nexus representative to communicate with your government.”

Her shoulders drooped; “Or we can just leave you alone, if you’d prefer; god knows I wouldn’t blame you, after my shameful display-“

“Shameful?” Jaal interrupted her mid-sentence; “There is nothing shameful about expressing one’s emotions, Pathfinder.”

He stepped closer, bending his head toward her, piercing eyes insisting upon contact, “Not for the Angara, in any case.”

He straightened when she looked up at him, and continued; “Angara are taught from a young age that feelings and beliefs should live on the outside, where they can be dealt with, honestly and openly.”

Sara blinked. “But…don’t people get hurt?”

Jaal nodded; “Of course. And then everyone deals with it. That’s the point.”

“Huh.”

Sara considered the concept for a moment, and decided she liked it. A lot.

She smiled, slow and bright, and Jaal was taken aback by the shift in her mood.

“Your people really have their shit together, you know that?”

“Uhm…I’m not sure I understand….”

“That’s ok, I’ll explain on the way back to Resistance HQ. I’ve got a meeting with Evfra to finish.”

Jaal nodded and fell in beside her.


	13. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evfra has some things to say. Many of them are unpleasant. Shocker.

“I have…been instructed…to apologize,” Evfra began gruffly.

Sara stared, then shook her head, face heating; “That’s really not necessary-“

“I say it is,” Governor Shie interrupted; “I heard about what happened; Stars, the whole CITY heard what happened!”

Sara groaned, putting a palm to her face; “I’m sorry-“

“YOU are not the one who should feel contrite, Pathfinder,” Shie reiterated, glaring daggers at Evfra.

“I apologize for frightening you, Pathfinder,” Evfra’s voice was recalcitrant, but awkwardly sincere, and Sara met his eyes, hoping she successfully conveyed her gratitude as she nodded in acceptance.

“Now, if we could return to the purpose of your presence here…?”  His tone turned brisk.  And annoyed.

_Beginning to see that's just normal for him..._

Outwardly, Sara nodded with vigor, her dark tangle of curls bouncing with the motion. Clearing her throat, she began, looking around the room to include everyone in her address; “On a hostile planet we call Eos, I uncovered and explored an ancient structure – a Vault. I brought it back online.”

She walked forward, setting her hands on the table; “It stabilized the planet’s atmosphere and environment; made it habitable.”

Jaal hummed thoughtfully; “Remnant. Recent intelligence supports this claim,” he told Evfra with a nod.

Sara took a breath and continued; “As I said earlier, we found _this_ planet by following a signal that closely matched the one emitted by the Vault on Eos. We think there’s a similar structure here on Aya. We would like permission to look inside; it might be able to point us to other Vaults, on other worlds.”

Evfra’s gaze narrowed, and he turned away from her to step toward the window, arms folded over his chest as he replied begrudgingly; “You’re right. There is a Vault here, but it was shut years ago, the entrance hidden.”

Sara padded cautiously up beside him, and watched his face as he spoke. “We…can’t help you.”

She frowned, emboldened by Governor Shie’s presence as she asked pointedly, “Can’t? Or won’t?”

Evfra growled in warning, eyes fixing on her face, but she stood her ground, resolute; refusing to drop her gaze. 

He huffed at her, his eyes flicking back to the view beyond the window in dismissal.

“The Moshae could help you,” Jaal said softly behind them. “She’s our most revered scientist and elder. She knows this Vault.”

Evfra’s shoulders tensed as his lips pulled back in a snarl; “But now the Kett have her, and our rescue attempts have failed.” He strode toward Jaal, declaring; “She is lost to us.  And to you.”

Sara faced the two men and leaned against the window, frowning thoughtfully; “There must be some way. Is there anything I can do? Any help I could offer?”

Evfra turned back toward her, his large brow drawn low over angry eyes; “Arrogant! I don’t know you, let alone trust you! Why would I want your help?”

Sara gritted her teeth and marched forward. She was emotionally exhausted and thoroughly fed up with Evfra’s shitty attitude.

Her voice was rough as she declared angrily; “You know that I feel fear! You know I can knock you on your ass if I’ve a mind to, and you know that I grieve for those I have lost to the Kett!” She jabbed a finger into Evfra’s chest as she spoke, and the look of shock written on his face as he stared down at her was worth the risk of having it bitten off her hand.

Sara stepped back so that she didn’t have to crane her neck up quite so far meet his eyes; “So you don’t trust me. That’s fine; give me a chance to EARN your trust!” She dropped into a small, sardonic bow to hide her jangled nerves; “Consider me at your disposal, Resistance leader.”

“Evfra,” Jaal began softly; “I feel…Evfra what this alien says is extraordinary. The Moshae would want us to be brave, and not let this chance pass.”

Evfra sighed, suddenly sounding old, and weary; “Jaal. You talk too much.”

Jaal pressed him; “Let me assess this alien. I’ll be your eyes. I know you can spare me.”

Evfra’s lip twitched disdainfully as he answered; “Go if you want, but when she tries to kill you, be prepared to strike first.”

Sara’s jaw dropped, an abortive sound of outrage escaping her as Evfra stalked out of the room, apparently finished with their meeting.

Paaran Shie sighed heavily, and shot Sara an apologetic look as she followed Evfra out.  

Sara spun to face the window again, an explosive growl in her throat as she folded her arms, glaring at the volcanic landscape laid out below.

Jaal cleared his throat and stepped up beside her. “We have not had a real introduction; I am Jaal Ama Darav. I will be your envoy through angaran space.”

Sara looked up at him, and smiled; “Sara Ryder.  And thank you. For trusting me.”

Jaal shook his head; “I don’t. But I can always kill you in your sleep.” Her arms fell limply to her sides as her eyes widened, staring at him.

He couldn’t quite suppress a smirk as he turned away from her and walked toward the door, and Sara felt relief flood her chest as she realized he was joking. Probably.

_Fuck it, I’ll figure it out later._


	14. Dockside Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara makes Enroh uncomfortable. She enjoys doing so.

Sara caught sight of the Tempest as she walked onto the docks, and her relief at seeing it perched there, still waiting for her, nearly took her knees out from underneath her.  
Thankfully SAM chimed in just then with a distracting query; “I have organized my analysis of Aya. Shall I relay it to the Nexus?”

“Definitely,” she muttered under her breath, trying not to look like a crazy person who talks to herself. She spotted Jaal speaking to another Angaran man, and jogged toward them.

“Be careful out there,” the unfamiliar Angara told Jaal, who huffed, “You know I will.”

Sara slowed to a walk, and then made a show of examining a potted plant, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

“Do you really think the Moshae is still alive?”

Jaal’s voice was firm with conviction as he responded; “I’m sure of it.”

The other Angara shook his head, disbelief plain in his posture; “Just…don’t kill yourself bringing her home.”

“No promises.” With that last parting statement, Jaal turned and headed for the ramp that led to the Tempest.

Sara slid up beside the Angara he’d been talking to, eyes running over the geometric tattoos lining his cheeks.

“Hello Pathfinder; I am Enroh Bosaan, here to assist you,” he told her formally, eyes just as curious in their perusal of her.

Sara held out her hand, smiling; “Name’s Sara Ryder. What do you assist me with?”

He blinked at her hand, then tentatively held out his own. Sara took it, shaking firmly.

“I'm assistant to Governor Paaran Shie…” his tone was unsure as Sara released his hand and stared at his clothes.

“You’re free to explore this area, but the city is now off-limits. Till that changes I’ll be your…did you have a _question_ , Pathinder Ryder?”

Sara looked up into his face from the bit of his shirt she’d been examining. She stepped back, blushing, “Erm, well, I just…your clothing. It’s all in muted tones; everyone else is wearing such colorful things, and here you are in a simple khaki scarf and a faded maroon jumpsuit. I was just wondering; why?”

Enroh shifted uncomfortably; “It’s…religious, Pathfinder.”

Sara’s eyes widened, “Ahhh. Got it. Sorry I pried. Your name is Enroh?”

Relieved, Enroh nodded an affirmative; “Is there anything I can help you with, Pathfinder?”

Sara pressed her lips together, thinking. “You seem to know Jaal pretty well…”

Enroh nodded; “Our families are related.”

Sara quirked an eyebrow at him; “You sound nothing alike.”

“We have multiple worlds. Our culture is complex,” Enroh’s tone was just this side of patronizing, and Sara grumbled inwardly.

“I’d like to know more,” she said to his face, trying to keep her tone light and inquisitive.

Enroh crossed his arms defensively; “Earn our trust and maybe you will.”

Sara’s face fell, and her voice was weary as she responded; “Ah. Well. I hope to. Thanks Enroh.” She sidestepped him and made for the Tempest.

“Wait; Pathfinder… _Sara_.” Enroh grasped her arm, and Sara stopped short, head coming around to look up at him owlishly. He seemed to struggle with himself as he released her, and then said softly, “Please look out for Jaal. Make sure he comes back to us.”

Sara nodded with a small smile; “I’ll do my damndest, Enroh. Maybe when we get back you can tell me all about your _frock_.” She winked at his confused expression and took off toward the Tempest, grinning as she caught sight of Jaal waiting at the console.

As she came to stand beside him, Jaal murmured; “Your ship is…heh.  We have nothing like it.”

Sara smirked and elbowed him gently; “Wait’ll you see the inside.”  Jaal raised his brow, intrigued; “It gets better?”

“Oh yeah.  Come on; last one up the gangplank gets stuck with kitchen duty!”  She slammed down on the button that extended the access ramp and took off running.  After a moment’s hesitation, Jaal was loping after her, his long stride bringing him abreast of her in no time at all.  He passed her by, and Sara growled as she realized the big fucking squitten was _laughing_ at her.  She primed a biotic charge and _jumped_ , reaching the Tempest’s lowered ramp well before the Angaran Resistance fighter.

He jogged to a stop when he reached her, frowning as she grinned up at him; “I believe that, objectively, use of your …. ‘abilities’ should be regarded as _cheating_.”

Sara shrugged, “Huh.  Didn’t have you pegged as the ‘sore loser’ type.”

Jaal growled, advancing on her, and she snorted; “Come on Jaal, you’re safe from dish duty; I just wanted blow off some steam.  Your people have kinda put me through the wringer.”

Jaal stood still, examining her intently, and answered; “That…is true.  I am glad Avela found you when she did; Evfra had squadrons out searching the city for you.  When we realized where you were, and why….”  He looked down at the ground and shuffled his feet. 

Sara stepped forward and put a hand on Jaal’s upper arm; “You understand _now_ , and that means more to me than I can say.  I am young.  I fell into this job because my father died and he had to pass the torch to SOMEONE, and I was the only person on-hand.”  Sara glanced away, eyes stinging, “I’m doing the best I can, but to be perfectly honest I am in WAY over my fucking head.”  She let her hand drop from Jaal’s arm, and plastered a smile on her face; “But hey, that’s life.  Sink or swim, yeah?  Let’s go find us a pool.”


	15. Conference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara's emotionally done. Her spine is artificially reinforced by exhaustion.

Sara herded everyone into the conference room, amidst many questions, protests, and complaints.

Jaal sat himself on the built-in couch in the back, content to observe the informal atmosphere from a distance.

“Ok, now that we’re all HERE, let’s get down to business, shall we?” Exasperated, she glared around the table as her crew fell silent. “THANK you. Now, I’ve just initiated first contact with the Angara, and honestly? It didn’t go that well.”

Cora responded optimistically; “Well, at least it went better than the last one.”

Liam scoffed; “Only slightly. The way I heard it, Sara nearly ended up shot!”

Peebee chimed in; “Yeah, what the hell happened down there? I was hoping to get a look around!”

Drack interjected gruffly; “And now we have another mouth to feed. Whatever he eats.”

As they all turned eyes to Jaal, the Angara simply gazed silently back at them, his own eyes narrowed, calculating.

Vetra stepped away from the table, scrutinizing Jaal as she asked with irritation; “Do the translators not work?”

Jaal’s focus flickered from Sara to Vetra, then back again before he replied; “They work.” His voice was taciturn; reluctant.

“Ok everyone, just shut the fuck up and listen, yeah? I am trying to explain how we move forward.” Sara’s voice rang sharply through the room, and chatter died abruptly. “Now. Jaal has offered to do what he can to help us access the Vault on Aya, in exchange for help with a search and rescue Op.”

Silence met her statement, and then Vetra asked cautiously; “Ok…what are the details?”

Sara shook her head; “I don’t know yet; hence this goddamn meeting. Jaal?”

Cora was dismissive; “Seriously, Ryder? What the hell-“

“Let the new guy speak!” That was Liam, slamming a fist into the table top, glaring at Cora angrily; “There’s an Angara right here, and we need that perspective.”

Jaal considered the figures standing around the table for a moment, then stood, taking a breath as he began; “One day, about eighty years ago, the Archon and the Kett arrived in Heleus, and the horror began.” He strolled almost casually toward the table-top, and stopped to stand beside Sara.

Vetra was the first to ask a question; “They declared war?”

Jaal shook his head; “Nothing so easy to define. Or fight.”

Sara spoke up, providing context; “The Kett kidnap Angara. Their people disappear, without a trace.” Her eyes darkened; “What if they were us?”

“I’ll fight Kett all day, but that’s no plan,” Drack declared.

Peebee nodded emphatically; “I agree. We need to get into that Vault, Ryder.”

Cora chimed in; “Surprisingly, I agree with Peebee. Our own mission has to take priority.”

“You’re not fucking listening. Any of you.” Sara’s voice was low; dangerous. Her eyes were sparking flint beneath her lowered brows; “If we don’t help the Angara, they don’t give us access to Aya’s Vault.  Their Moshae is the only one who knows where the entrance is, so we're going to help them retrieve her in return for admittance.  If we don't do this, we not only lose the only potential allies we have in this galaxy, we also lose access to the only solid lead we have on figuring out just how the Remnant works. We are helping the Angara. Period. Get on board, or get the fuck off my ship. Do you all understand?”

Silence prevailed around the conference table. Sara nodded in satisfaction. “Good. Jaal?”

The Angara cleared his throat, and began to lay out a general framework of the Resistance’s goals, putting particular emphasis upon the importance and specifics of rescuing the Moshae on Voeld. Meanwhile, furtive glances all around the table shot toward a stoic Sara. A subtle undercurrent of unease developed, yet ultimately remained unaddressed as Sara told them she’d consider all the options, and abruptly ended the meeting, stalking down the aisle toward her quarters. No one left the table happy.


	16. Bedhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not like that, get your minds out of the gutter. Sheesh.

“SAM. I am taking a nap. No one disturbs me for at least two hours, got it?”

  
'Understood, Pathfinder.'

  
Sara stripped down to her panties and crawled into bed, curling into a crescent around her body pillow.

Her mind was still running a mile a minute, but eventually her eyes dropped shut from sheer exhaustion, and she slept.

The scourge was eating everything; actively chasing ships and worlds as if it had a will of its own, bent upon the destruction of all living things.

She watched as Eos was literally speared, breaking up into segments, the molten core of the planet shining briefly through the cracks before it all imploded, sending dust and rock flying all directions into the empty void.

The Nexus was a smoldering ruin, and the Tempest was next, fleeing desperately from the dark tendrils that pursued them without mercy. Sara stood on the flight deck, Suvi and Kallo on either side of her at their stations, voices frantic as they searched for some way, any way, to escape….

“Sara?”

She came awake with a shout, bolting upright, arms flailing, tangled in the sheets.

“Woah, Ryder, hey, it’s just me!”

Sara blinked the sleep away, shoving at her messy curls as she focused on the man beside her bed.

“Oh….uhm…here.”

Liam handed her the shirt she’d dropped on the floor before getting into bed. His face was averted, cheeks reddening beneath the warm brown of his skin.

She took it and pulled it over her head. “ls there a reason you’re in my quarters, Kosta?”

His eyes came back to her face, and he rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace; “Well, you’ve been asleep for four hours, Ryder. I tried the com but you didn't answer.  We’re about to hit Voeld.”

Sara frowned; “SAM? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

'You gave a minimum quotient for your resting period, Pathfinder. You did not specify a maximum.'

Sara rolled her eyes, then slid out of bed. She padded over to her desk and grabbed a comb.

Turning back toward Liam, she caught him looking at her bare legs, and smirked as she started in on her hair. “Like what you see, Kosta?” she asked teasingly.

“Erm, well, yeah, but…you’re the Pathfinder,” his umber eyes were uncertain, his posture uncomfortable.

Sara let him off the hook; “Don’t want to make things weird; I get that. Was there something else on your mind?”

Liam nodded, crossing his arms over his chest; “The meeting we had earlier. People are pissed, Pathfinder.”

Sara scowled; “So am I. You all expect me, _trust_ me, to find a way forward, and when I do just that all I get is second guesses and dissent?” The comb stuck on a snarl, and she pulled at it with a frustrated wince.

Liam approached her carefully, and reached for the comb; “Give me that, before you take your scalp off.”

Surprised, Sara handed it over. He took her by the elbow and pulled her back over to the bed. “Sit.”

He settled himself at her back and set to detangling the ends of her hair, working his way up from the bottom.

“We trust you, Ryder. But there are agendas. Peebee’s all about the Remnant. Drack’s here for now, but he wants his clan brought back to the Initiative, on their terms.  He doesn't really think that can happen, so he's on the defensive; expecting conflict. Cora’s focused on efficiency; she wants the fastest route to success," he eased the comb over Sara's left ear, and she suppressed a shiver; "She sometimes doesn't see that going fast doesn't automatically mean _getting_ somewhere."  

Sara grinned, glancing over her shoulder at him; "Pot, meet Kettle!" He tutted and turned her face forward, fingers light on her jaw, and then continued; "Yeah, yeah, I know; takes one to know one.  Cora and I have a lot in common; Just don't tell HER that; you'll end up stuck at the wrong end of a Nova."  She giggled, and then quieted as Liam continued more thoughtfully; "Vetra...honestly, I think she's just hoping we come out the other side alive.  She wants a future for her sister, and that can't happen if we all go down in flames.”

Sara frowned down at her hands, linking and unlinking her fingers as Liam continued to tame her bed-headed mane in silence.

"I suppose I owe them all an apology.  Been apologizing a lot these last few days; why break the trend?" Her voice was wry; loaded with self-reproach.

"What d'you mean?" Liam asked, gathering another section of hair deftly with one hand.

"SAM was able to help me communicate with Scott, even with the coma.  He asked about Dad.  I couldn't dodge the subject, or lie..." Tears pricked her eyes.  "He sounded so hurt, Liam, and I couldn't even give him a hug...not that he would have let me.  He's never been much of a hugger..." A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away impatiently.

"Then there's my clusterfuck with the Angara.  Christ that was awful."

"How so?" Liam's hands slid up to her crown, and began teasing at the tangles closest to her scalp.

Sara groaned; "Where do I fucking begin?  Laughing uncontrollably in Evfra’s face?  Chucking him into a table with a panicked biotic throw?  Or hiding in a fucking palm tree like a pyjack until a wonderfully kind museum curator managed to talk me down?"

Liam's hands stilled in her hair.  "Wait, wait; you threw Evfra?  And then climbed a tree?  The hell?"

She turned around to face him, hands coming up in a gesture of helplessness; "He was so, so angry, Kosta; I thought he was literally about to rip my head from my shoulders.  I panicked, he went flying, and then I ran like a little bitch."  Liam was laughing at her, his free hand going to his temple as he shook his head.

"And then treed yourself..." his laughter intensified, and Sara tried to glare at him.  She failed.  Smiling crookedly, she shrugged; "Seemed like a good idea at the time.  Maybe.  Wasn't thinking too clearly."

"Yeah, no shit.  Goddamn, I know I shouldn't laugh, but...."

Sara shrugged again with a grin; "Nah, it's funny now, on the other side."

They both sobered, and Liam met her eyes with sudden solemnity; "We all know there's pressure, Sara.  It's ok to share it around.  We all have our own issues, but we're solid.  Committed."  He reached out and grasped her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze; "As for me, I'm here if you ever need to unload."  He quirked an eyebrow at her; "My shitty old couch is your shitty old couch.  Come by for a beer whenever."

He stood up, handing her comb back as he turned to leave.

"Wait!" Sara didn't want him to go just yet, so she asked the first question that popped into her head; "Where did you learn to detangle hair like that?"

Liam looked back at her, brows raised; "Really, Ryder?"  He pointed at his own head sardonically, then sighed as he added, "Also, we dealt with a lot of displaced kids in Crisis Response; combing for knits and fleas got to be part of the routine in the camps."

Sara blinked.  "That...sounds awful."

Liam shrugged; "Amazing what we can get used to.  I'm counting on that instinct; should help establish Normal.  We need that."  His eyes turned wistful, and Sara nodded in sympathetic understanding.

Liam rallied and grinned; "See you out there, Ryder."


	17. A Conversation With Jaal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara has some lingering issues with Jaal's presence on her ship. Jaal tries to set her mind at ease.

Sara was somewhat intimidated by Jaal. Ok, no, she was fucking terrified of him.

Jaal was very large, and intensely strange; his presence was both magnetic and overwhelming, so until she could figure out how to insulate herself from his babble-inducing Tallness and Intense Gaze, she avoided him whenever she was able.

She knew that it was wrong to compare them, but Sara couldn't stop herself from thinking about Efvra's awful temper every time she had occasion to meet Jaal's eyes across a room.  Her pulse would quicken, her face would lose all color, and she'd turn her eyes away from his and refuse to meet them again.

Cora finally snapped at her one day and told her to go apologize for her offensive reticence.

Chastened, Sara trudged over to the tech lab to do just that.

When the door slid open to reveal Jaal crouched over a crate full of technical equipment, Sara froze, her voice refusing to come forth.

Alerted by the sound of the door, Jaal turned toward her, looking up over his shoulder at her with those vibrant blue cat's eyes, and her own gaze automatically lowered.

He stood slowly, and stepped toward her with quiet purpose.

She felt rooted to the floor, and her knees began to shake.

"Sara." His voice was low, rolling soothingly over the consonants of her name, and she shivered.

Her eyes were compelled upward to meet his, and she was caught.

He regarded her silently for several long moments, and then reached out slowly with one hand to grasp her arm. Upon making contact, Sara flinched.  Jaal ignored her reaction, and pulled her flush against himself, wrapping both arms solidly around her in a firm yet gentle hug.

Frozen in shock, Sara remained rigid in his arms until a steady, thrumming warmth began to seep into her limbs; languid and effusive.

She melted into his embrace with a sigh, and he purred in approval.

"I apologize...if I have given you cause to fear me, Sara."  He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes once more, and let his arms loosen as he continued; "I feel your fear, Sara Ryder, almost as if it were my own. You shout it with your eyes, and your avoidance of my presence. It's in your skittish posture every time I enter a room. I hear it in your silence."

He laid a palm almost cautiously against her cheek, and she swallowed, transfixed.  "I would tell you, if you would allow, that you have nothing to fear from me."  His tone was ardent, his gaze painfully sincere, and Sara felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she offered up a tremulous smile.

"I'm..I'm sorry too, Jaal. I've been an idiot."  She wanted to look away, but she refused to allow herself that. This apology demanded eye contact. "I allowed my experience with Efvra to influence how I feel and think about YOU, and that's not fucking fair."

Jaal nodded, lids coming low over his eyes as his arm at her back loosened further; "I suspected as much."  His palm slid away from her face, and she found herself missing the contact.

She hesitated, then set both palms on his chest; "No more.  You are not Efvra."  He smiled down at her warmly, and her stomach heated.

"I'm glad to hear you can tell us apart, Pathfinder." His voice was teasing.

"Please, call me Sara."


End file.
